Understanding Traditional vs. Nontraditional Goals
When I went to college, many avenues seemed to pop out of nowhere to quench my thirst to pursue what made me, not my parents, happy. I discovered my love for dancing. When schoolwork felt overwhelming or repetitive, dancing would always be there for me to escape. No panic-inducing anxieties about the future, it was always just about the dance and the liberating movement to the music. It was also through dance that I found others who had that same itch to escape and forget about everything else in the world. Joining Kproject and Imagination Dance Crew on campus has provided me with a group of people I could really connect with and has defined my sense of belonging in the community.
College was also the first time I’ve been around others who unapologetically take pride in their newfound freedom to pursue their own definition of happiness. I’ve always had an idea of how this experience would be like, but all the wild moments and ups and downs have taught me that I was never nor could ever truly be ready for the real college experience. Crawford would relate to this idea, as he claims that sometimes “when [idealizations] fail us we may be tempted to see obscurity and unreason everywhere.” Though it sounds scary to delve into something you can’t accurately predict, these are risks that we should take for the sake of the experience and things you could learn from it. Failure or hardships are not losses but victories. I’m glad I will be able to look back on the impressionable moments I have with the people who helped make this pressure-cooker of a period in my life a little less stressful (or more at times).
Quarantine has definitely given me plenty of time to reflect on how these milestones have been just as, if not more important than my academic achievements. We take for granted the moments that seem the most insignificant. When I left my brother in Texas to return to my life here, it was hard to convince myself that I cherished every moment I had with him. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, but I just felt a sliver of regret thinking I could’ve been more aware of how precious that experience actually was. In my opinion (not to sound too nihilistic), this regretful after-feeling is inescapable because we are built to continuously monitor to-do lists in our minds, which distract us and set us up to always fail to truly live in the moment. Crawford expresses these ideas through his apprenticeship being shown the details he had naively neglected while observing the parts. He said, “Once they have been pointed out it seems impossible that I should not have seen them before.” Like our condition, it is only in hindsight that we recognize the things that are truly important to us. It isn’t until we dedicate the time, no matter how busy we are, to reflect on these experiences that we appreciate them.
See my Revised Wayfinding Map:
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A consistent theme throughout your submission and wayfinding map (revised version ;) ) is happiness. It got me thinking of how I define happiness and how I pursue happiness in my own life. This obviously changes throughout one's life and it may necessarily transition to different things...currently, right now for example, Young people in the USA do not value traditional milestones like previous generations (perhaps because we have very different concerns- as a starting point!). What makes you happy? Is happiness necessary? or is it just that we encourage activities for happiness (amongst other things)? It seems that dance gives you the feeling of expression and belonging to a community- this is good! Does it also make you happy? Are you responsible for other people' happiness (this is genuine question- probably better phrased as - Do you feel responsible for their people's happiness) at this stage in your life? I ask this because you also mention retro reflective regret (this is what I am calling it at least)- whereby you reflect on a period of time or set of circumstances and you feel regret for something...perhaps left unfinished? Your time with your brother for example- you said you weren't perhaps as invested or did not make the most of that time....what does that look like? What does it look like to live YOUR life to the fullest? Where do you think is the most worthwhile place to find meaning in life? Work, family, hobby, religion, philosophy, helping others, or something else entirely? Food for thought! - Kate Abney
I would totally agree with you. We don't hold these traditional milestones as the gold standard for happiness because I feel we've had the privileges from our parents (at least for me) to be financially stable enough to not rely on traditional milestones like careers, money, success, etc. to be happy. Also, I feel like the new generations are more exposed to different concerns that are more pressing to them in the respect that, for example, social justice issues are part of our culture and something we hold to a high standard in a more liberal society. Therefore, our definition of happiness is sort of a reactionary response to more conservative and "outdated" values that maybe our parents held. There could be different reasons for this, but nonetheless it has delineated our generation from theirs and highlighted some key differences in our experiences growing up. Happiness to me is being able to pursue what you love to do and finding some fulfillment in the things around you. While I know and expect the path to be nothing rosy of the sort, I feel like if I'm able to feel good about what I'm doing in the bigger picture, it'll make me happy.
I do think that happiness is necessary. No one wants to be sad, just that sometimes certain events and circumstances prevent you from achieving your version of happiness. I think before, I used to cater to other people's happiness and making sure they're happy before I am. Realizing that this was not a good mindset to be on, I'm on the path of exploring things that make me happy first and foremost (which is so important and a lesson I want my peers to understand). Being happy with yourself (with the things that you do, the values you hold, the way you feel about yourself) should be the number one priority as it can be exhausting if you continue to put your self-care aside. For me, dancing, singing, hanging out with friends, doing my best in studies, and just, in general, trying to be a good person in my community makes me happy as it gives me that feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment for myself. You should never surround yourself with toxicity (whether that be people who bring you down, things you don't feel good doing, etc.) and learning that you have and deserve the power to dictate those things yourself is important.
With the retroreflective regret, I would argue that my previous claim that it's inevitable is probably still true in my eyes. I'm not sure how we can fully treasure a moment since we're always thinking about other things in our mind. I guess what I would like to do in the future to better achieve this task is to set aside some time to destress and really isolated myself from life's usual problems when I'm spending time with people who I love and care about. I think my source of happiness and what I find meaningful in life is the relationships and experiences I share with those I love and just in general trying my best to be the best version of myself. Reading my response again has given me more appreciation of how fair I have come and the amount of growth that you don't realize you go through. This Summer, I'm glad to be able to say that I definitely learned a lot about myself and the steps I have to take to become a better person. - Josh
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